At What Cost?

Doing the right thing is not always the best way to see something through. Therefore by being the best to you, one will find the right way. More often then not, the tide of emotion comes crashing down on the shore we know as life. It is a double bladed knife that cuts deep inside yesteryear. And it is with in that year that we shall never grow old. It is the child’s mind that maintains the foresight, as adult we tend to rationalize everything finding any answer to make sense the way we want it to. Tears will always tend to cascade inside, a punishment far worse than any before. The dividing line was drawn years ago and I never picked a side. I drew my own line and walked it as far as I wanted. Simply because it has never been about what I have needed, it has always been about what I wanted. In a parallel thought, which is what one always perceives after the fact, pushes me to believe the best will never come. Better yet the best has come and gone, it is the emptiness within that is my confession that is what is left. All I ever new was to be true to myself at all cost… but at what cost?

What the...

Should I believe that people can exist on individual basis or is it just a selfish status to enhance my own dreams to perceive beyond any normal means? I stand and forfeit my right just to be, simply because I am not the man I used to be. Through out the existence of self I have come to find the irony of wealth. It is the breath we take when we go sleep and when we wake, it is in the love we bestow on our family and close friends. Most importantly is the fact that we are one as a complete person. We all cry and feel pain, we all die and reborn again, and everyone lies with credible history to say otherwise. If I stay to defend what I believe then I will soon be left with the conviction of self redemption which now and days is compared to the likes of a criminal to be judge upon the stone of damnation. I will not be the man to bring down my self as I stand alone with a strong conscious and grandeur of self delusion. Instead I will make a stand using the godsend gift given to me at birth. What the …

Tanget Lines 2

An empty canvas of thoughts comes to mind. Sooner than latter and by chance I will find; what it is I am looking for, what is it I am looking for. At some point I think I had it then lost it. Yet now that I think it about, I lost myself; between here and… damn it could be anywhere. These broken brittle bones can’t wait to turn to dust, still so much left to do and my soul has be sucked away from anything that meant something to me. Like the book of JOB left with nothing but faith, taunted by the devil in my sleep, she just can not seem to leave me be. It just might be me, as I might have incarcerated myself because of my determination. My inspiration was always inside me, anything else was nothing more than a tease. For love never said hello to me, just a little infatuation that went too far. Egos collided and pushed me away from that one thing I can not seem to remember.

Release

Sleep seems to slip away
As I wrestle with demons at night
So my halo hangs to the right
I reenact the past, to keep the devil at bay
It seems it may take more than a fight
In flood the thoughts of yesterday

The problem might lie with in
When do I begin so much left to sieve
Define exactly what it means to forgive?
Seven to commit which is my sin
The lust sets in and I find a way to live
Just watch once as I misuse again

I feel I am losing, yet far from lost
And all I gained: the loss of innocence
I was just tired of sitting on the fence
Feigned sympathy leads to much exhaust
Given passion and fortitude yet no sense
Maybe this way my tears turn to frost

A Soldier’s Dairy

….It felt like a losing battle, but sense of loss does not seem to be able to retain itself within me. This is my perspective of reality that divides my ego in three, sometimes more than I like to admit, but I should never submit because it is my responsibility to deal with. I have walked back and forth on this, and I promised I would not give in to someone or something for pretend again. I feel this might be my Alamo, no matter what I do or no matter what I say, will not have an impact until it has passed…

…So I find my self in a losing battle and woke up in different place, my head on strait, but still far away. It was hard enough not to be let in, when were we ever friends. This is not me living through strife, this me standing up for what is right. The worst of me shall never be seen, it was taken all out of me. The best of me yet to be seen: displaced in the back of my head. Sheltered thoughts of you are entertained but never remain…

…Sitting to atone for sins that will never be mentioned, I burn alone. What is left..? A tattered soldier… watching the battle he fought… far enough to be out of reach. I sit and watch out of sight, for my battle is within. I pushed hard enough to make it certain what side I fight for, but I have seen treason knock on my door. I shall not stand down I will move on with my life with out having a single enemy in sight. The time has come to pay my penitence…

Self Recognition

I often brought upon my own hard times, and mostly blamed others, then somewhere in between dividing lines of loss and gain a memory remained that paved a new path, yet I try and refrain by not imposing set compromises and ultimatums to myself. I have restricted myself in life from too many things. It is hard to define, what I have been dealt let alone how I felt. And what is left inside but a stronger individual who can put the pieces back together. Humanity reminds me of a dog that can’t stop chasing its tail. A parallel truth behind it all is nothing more that what it may seem. One step at a time, there is no hurry to die. One breath at a time, life will take its toll; enjoy as much as it as possible. And one perspective at time, learn what you experience, but don’t get comfortable and never dwell in the past because it will never change the future. The future is determined by the choices we make now.

Veritas

With stability and sobriety I have stayed the course. In prayer and meditation I’ve created a safe –Haven. Enjoying family and love I have planted my own tree. Through the eyes stranger I saw deeper within me. One deserves better, with that in mind, I take life in stride. When lost or misplaced feelings of past begin to generate, yet I am the status queue - one’s time spent is there own constant. Feels like incarceration within myself just to be reincarnated, through experience, that which stokes my ego and allows me to exist to understand that pain is truth, and the truth will set you free from one’s self. As cliché as it may seem I have schemed my life back together displacing memories and giving them away. Pretending to wait, I concentrate and dig deep only to find a shell of a man that yearns to be filled once again, save that I have not forgotten the difference between love and hate nor will I stand for the inderefence of good people.